I keep coming here, because i crave it. The war, the confrontation. It is a horrible way to be. When you piss someone off so bad, and it makes you feel really good.
The idea of hundreds of thousands of samurai/knights in armor, charging to unbeatable odds, and dying with glory and honor, somehow appeals to me.
Its like i've been misplaced in time. I just dont feel right in this life.
Take now, for instance. Im sitting at work, im supposed to be fixing this goddamn printer, but I cant, because if I try to clean the heads in it, they might shatter (theyre ceramic.) SOme fucking toon down at Epson thought it would be cute to use ceramic heads. AND they charge nearly 80 dollars per head, if they break.
Im tired, pissed off, all i wanna do is go fishing. I dont want to hear anyones problems, and i dont care if you read mine. Jessica simpson cant rap!!!!
anyway, on with our story.
Thu, May. 13th, 2004, 02:31 pm
A morning full of rain. Rusted armor and low morale. My company marches onward. To fight an evil that has beseeched man longer than any natural thing in the world.
A girl. My child is a girl. How lovely.
Onward. Too the very dark mountain, that holds the advasary himself.
Prepare yourself for me, my enemy. I am coming, and it is your head I will take.
Your hand will not touch my daughter.
We will meet, on even ground.
As im riding, i focus for a moment on a blade of grass the almost comes to the ankles of my horse.
And it is there, that the other world, takes me again.
Daddy!? She's smiling and pretending to be mad.
Your still sleepin! Were spose ta' go to the lake. You said wed ride paddle boats!
Oh my goodness, so I did.
We'll I had better get up then. I wink at her.
The adventures, are clearly laid out before me. I will be the master and commander,
of a paddle boat.
She asks a million questions on the lake. I seam to be ranked somewhere in between a library, and a master of all knowledge.
And i fullfill my position. Thats for certian.
The sun reflects on the water, and so I am returned, to my world. The world of battle. And darkness.
Why do I keep coming here?
I woke up in a dark place, a dimly lit dungeon. I knew that pain and torment were the things i would be faced with. Fear would have been an easy way out. Blank my own mind to numb the effects of the cutting table Or the gallows ropes. I focused on a puddle of water , a tad muddy, steadily sitting, undisturbed at the floor of the dungeon.
and it took me away.
She was small in my dreams, only up to my thigh. Smiley, and beautiful. Innocent, and rambunxious.
"daddy!?" "why do fish eat worms?"
I smile to myself, and kneel down to her. Her face is utmost serious, as if I would be bestowing life changing information to her.
"because under the water, the pizza is terrible. " Id sly a smile to her. Wink. ANd continue fishing.
YOu there! Heres your food.
a noise of a plate, with some kind of gravy slop spilling out of it.
Hits the floor quite hard. Of course i wont eat it.
Why honor my enemies who would stuff me fat, only to dine on my spoils.
Is there no honor?
That night i had a dream, laying there.
Back to this other place. This alien world. Im spinning a red haired beauty around an apartment. Shes holding a small child in her arms, and smiling. The baby keeps reaching for my face, my beard is a maze of mystery to the young mind, who only seams interested.
In my dream im happy. COntent, like a man with honor.
Do you know the fears of the man who is affraid to sleep? He closes his eyes, and feels the fear, all the way to his own feet. THe ground is crumbling away.
And the nightmares begin.
"Take him!" The shorter one yelled. Discusting wretch, blood and ooze dripping from its mouth, and rotted teeth.
The sword falls hard, and cleaves. But never do they end. THey keep coming, i cant stop them, those eyes , never blink. help me...
The scimitars are heavier than a standard blade is, so its speed would be dictated a blight slower than the conventinal broad or long sword. Giving me speed advantage. AMong other things, they are a bit dull, which takes the enemy a few hacks before penetrating armor. SO in theory-
if you dont stand still, you may walk out alive. Maybe.
I heard my childs heart beat today. So strong. Oh my god what have I done :D
Hehe i betcha this kids gonna be hell on wheels, if it takes after me at all.
Working every night sucks, but its gonna be worth it i bet.
Kitty is showing a little. You couldnt tell it unless you really looked. SO far she isnt too bad off i guess. Doc appointments and what not.
Next appointment we get to see the sex of the child
im hoping to see a 8=>
but either way it'll be great. :)
anyways, back to work with me.
So all one of you people who read this. Enjoy :p
Cuz the gold will come rolling right in
A few months ago i was lost, in a place where love and peace mean nothing. This place is vast, full of adventure, and often intriguing enough to keep you wondering for miles and miles in search of fame, fortune, and knowledge.
I was a knight.
I had no free-care for the world as it truly was. It was a window to look at fantasize about- nothing more.
But my oh my how that window is fragile. And just when you "know" what to do, it comes a crashing into your room, lifting you from sleep.
I sat down next to some trees and i feel quickly asleep. Apon waking, i was in a differant world.My phone was ringing. "i need to talk to you- its important."
Enter the nulling feeling of the lower intestine. For, "i need to talk to you- its important."
--- surely cannot be good.
I couldnt sleep. I let her into the apartment and we spoke softly, nervously.All at once i knew what it was. The subject. The conviction. The sentance.
A small enveloupe containing a positive pregancy test.
A thrown lance from a dark warrior hiding in the tree line, knocked me from my horse. I was hurting, I would lay there for many hours.
Shocking news it was. Im going to be a father? what do I do? where do I start? How do I begin?!
And that feeling returned.
A lonely old man drug me to his cottage. He took time and patience to remove my armor plating. He begun to sow...
She left the apartment , and went to work. She would be gone for many hours. My friend would leave with her. I am alone now. I guess i should sleep a short while.
I woke up suddenly. It was like days later. Where am I? Was it a dream?
The phone woke me for the 2nd time. "are you ok?"
Im not sure."i guess we'll just deal with this as it comes''
You were wounded, so say the old man. Ive cleaned the wounds. You may leave when u like. But dont rest on the wound at night, or the stiches may break.
Waking up with noone here was like purgatory. Alone. Sulking in this. Depression. Yuck.
And low and behold, there came a calling, a dark prophet. A witch of the fire.
She said "whats wrong with you, you look ill"
"we need to talk."
30 minutes later, i had explained to my mother what had happened, and what was going to happen.
Things did not go smoothly.
Refer to stomach pain like feeling.
My horse and I rode for many days on end. Searching for an old friend, a true warrior , with a love for alchohaol. Perhaps his magic drink can help ease our pain.
And so it did. It brought a calming feeling- but only for a while.
And I wake again, suddenly i have tears in my eyes, and the most hateful selfish things are spilling from my mouth. I would have died that night. If not for something she said.
"You and me and our baby"
Calm music. Like soft light, or when you wake up during a soft thunderstorm. YOu cant help but to let it capture you, and let it take you into comfort. It feels so good.
I found my old friend hammering stones near a place outside a rebel city. He was always a little drunk, but always aware. A warrior before drunk id say. And his god did love him. That can be certain.
"You look pale, have a seat"
I sat on the stones.
"Im frightened my brother."
"I know. But your frightened of failure. Thats all. You are brave, strong, and wise. YOu will be a great success. That I know for sure. "
I proclaimed it. My child will be my life. I will sacrifice everything for it. I love my lady in waiting, and my child on the way to our world.
Knuckles tooth and claw. My baby is my love, created by me and my true love.
"Its hard sometimes brother, to pick up this sword when im so tired of fighting"
"But when you lift it, you show that you were never really tired in the first place. Only thinking, maybe planning, but not giving up, no , certainly not that."
My little baby, my darling angel. My wonderful wonderful suprise. My sword , is yours.